I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it ……………………………… It’s a trap an illusion It taunts me clutches me like quicksand, or what we imagine quicksand to be, the fictional kind. It’s a trick, a confidence trick, a lie that changes every so often, like you’re figuring out the path and then suddenly the environment changes up on you, suddenly your senses are failing you, deceiving, the world is tapping incessantly on the dome of your mind, And then they say “no, that’s normal, writers are supposed to feel like that, writers are supposed to be a little MAD, a little cu coo.” And that’s like saying “yes, you’re meant to drown, that’s kind of your job, to sink in the sand, be covered, embrace the submergence, You chose this didn’t you?” But then they say we don’t get to choose, “we are chosen” Writing is a gift, and the writer is merely the recipient, fulfilling his role, obligated to use that gift, obligated to sink. To be taunted by confidence one moment And then the rug pulled out the next, as we slip into self doubt ... again Sooo, that’s the idea then, to just walk this imaginary line traced along the edge of an imaginary cliff; confidence on one side, and doubt down below on the other. With sympathizers isolated in their own world, offering small consolation, all they can do really, a simple frown, a shrug, palms up… “what can you do?” Maybe you can try to not be a writer, maybe that will solve it? Maybe I could try that, try, try to not be it, try and pretend for a while, being stuck somewhere else. I hate it I hate it because this is simultaneously exactly where I’m meant to be and it is exactly… nowhere. Forever nowhere Because the truth is, if writer’s are the observer’s of the world, and this world isn’t or wasn’t good enough so we decided to make their own worlds, to invent or reinvent stories to explore deeper meanings of pure truths that are hard to comprehend on just the physical plain, then what does that mean? The reality is that if we’re in this world just observing then we’re not technically part of it, we’re just stuck here, dreaming of some other places. There we are Back on the edge of the cliff again Confidence in the imaginary Doubt in reality Pitiful. I hate it So that’s it then, to struggle in quicksand and fight your way out… some of us never do Some of us will always be trapped … I don’t like it. There are only 26 letters, more in other languages, but 26 in this one. That's it. we are not reinventing the language, all stories have been told, we only look for ways to tell the same tales in a different way. Every new generation comes along discovering life and the world anew, because they’ve never seen it before, or heard the stories before, so those same old stories get told, get read, get heard and live again in the minds of a new crowd. That’s the cycle. That’s the trap, the confinement of letters and words, because words are what we have, but they are not enough, even though they have immense power, to inspire, create, reconcile, heal, secure and define... Scribbling to paint some vague picture, just an image of what is actually going on here. So we’re trapped, in between letters and words, in between realities… and the imaginary. I’m not stuck. I just haven’t moved much, not in this world anyway. I don’t like it, because those who I want to see me, do not. And what started as a lament on the war with words, a war with time and being, and seeing and feeling, is all of a sudden put in its place... given new context and meaning the root of this struggle... - “We have so many different and conflicting selves within us that you never know which one will prevail, even when we don’t want certain of them to win" "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us..." The original Greek for "Word" used in John 1, is Logos... LOGOS (noun) the Word of God, or principle of divine reason and creative order, identified in the Gospel of John with the second person of the Trinity incarnate in Jesus Christ. This methodology then proceeds ‘downward’ to the Incarnation, to the event in which the Word or Logos became man in Jesus Christ. (noun) a symbol or other design adopted by an organization to identify its products, uniform, vehicles, etc.. the Olympic logo was emblazoned across their jackets synonyms: emblem, trademark, brand, device, figure, symbol, design, sign, mark, insignia “We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life - those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength.”
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What is it about mountains, rivers, valleys, cliffs, jungles, frozen no-mans-lands and every other area most would regard as unlivable? What is it that draws us closer and makes us forsake all rationality and venture off into the desert to climb a dune and listen to the sounds of silence? A few days ago Sir Ranulph Fiennes (former SAS Special forces captain, second cousin to actors Ralph and Joseph, author of The Feather Men - which was turned into a film starring Clive Owen and Robert De Niro) departed Cape Town on yet another expedition. Setting sail for Antarctica aboard the ice strengthened Agulhas, their mission: to traverse the frozen continent in the dead of winter (a feat previously regarded by all authorities who cared, as impossible - a veritable suicide mission as the human body was not made to withstand such conditions - the entire trek will be conducted in pitch darkness because by the time they get there, the south pole will be in the season of no sunlight). Apparently technology has advanced sufficiently to allow the six man team the "go-ahead" nod by the commonwealth. So it becomes a "slightly-less-than-suicide mission". Among his many feats, summiting Everest on his 3rd attempt being one of them (at 65yrs of age), he and a small team completed the Transglobe some 30 yrs ago circumnavigating the globe by passing over the North & South poles - and remain the only ones to have done so (its in the Guinness book of world records). Although this is surely their most dangerous challenge. Team member Anton Bowring (63) stated this on his blog "It will be extraordinary if something bad doesn't happen during the crawl across 2,400 miles of ice in temperatures of -70°C and perpetual darkness where crevasses can swallow up a 25-ton bulldozer in the blink of a frosted eye."
Another adventurer and Laureus Award winner/Committee member, my countryman now residing in Swiss country, Mike Horn - He won the award for circumnavigating the globe unassisted along the the equator - is currently conducting his Pangaea Expeditions project. This initiative takes young people on adventures to highlight the plight of the world and open the eyes of the young to the magnificence that exists waaay off the beaten track - a world which they will inherit, a world in desperate need of protection and preservation. Of course these men are at the extreme end of the spectrum. For most of us, the spirit of adventure entails a hike up a mountain or a week long camping/road trip, bundu-bashing and star gazing among other things. And you don't need to be the next Erden Eruç, Nellie Bly, Bear Grylls, Freya Stark, Amelia Erhart et al. to feel itchy feet every now and then. "... The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. Goin' through this pass in the mountains. It was cold and there was snow on the ground and he rode past me and kept on goin'. Never said nothin' goin' by. He just rode on past... and he had his blanket wrapped around him and his head down and when he rode past I seen he was carryin' fire in a horn the way people used to do and I could see the horn from the light inside of it. 'Bout the color of the moon. And in the dream I knew that he was goin' on ahead and he was fixin' to make a fire somewhere out there in all that dark and all that cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up..." -- No Country for old Men, 2007 -Article by Steven Benjamin. The links to Ranulph Feinnes and Mike Horn's official websites: http://www.ranulphfiennes.co.uk/ http://www.mikehorn.com/en/mike-horn/ Why I write... Posted a few days ago, here's a piece I wrote on 'Why I write...' published on Shinazy Linda's blog BOBB - 'Bitchin old Boomer Babe'. Click HERE
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[Banner illustration by Joel Kanar]
WRITING
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